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He raked his fingers through the ends of his hair. “I thought maybe we could hang out. How about another music lesson?”
I turned back to him with my textbook and notebook for first period in my arms. All I wanted to do was take a step closer to him, to touch him, but I knew I couldn’t show my affection here with so many people around. I reflexively reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. There was nothing there since it was all in my braid. I let my hand fall to my side. “I think that sounds like a good idea.” The warning bell rang just then. “I’ll see you later.”
I pulled out my sketchbook during first period and flipped to a new page. We had another sketch due this Friday like normal, and I wasn’t going to forget this time. It was easy enough to get away with drawing during class because most of my teachers didn’t notice. After the morning announcements finished, I began sketching the outline of fingers curled around the neck of a guitar—Logan’s fingers around his guitar, Lucy. I didn’t get very far on my drawing by the end of the period, but at least I had a start.
***
I brought my sketchbook with me to choir and showed Logan the drawing I was working on. I’d managed to add some shading since first period.
“That’s amazing,” he told me with a genuine smile.
Emily leaned toward me to take a peek. “Wow, Maddie. Yours and Alaina’s artistic skills never cease to amaze me.”
My face heated at the compliments. “Thanks, guys.”
The room fell silent when the bell rang.
“Tenors at the piano, please,” our instructor called.
Logan left my side to work on a section of song the tenors were having trouble with. I turned back to my sketchbook and added texture to Logan’s fingers while Emily chatted about the upcoming play auditions next to me.
“Ready for that music lesson?” Logan asked after class.
I flipped my sketchbook closed and met his gaze with a smile. “Yeah. I’ll meet you in the practice room. I’m going to go drop off my sketchbook and pencils in my locker and pick up my bag.”
“Hurry back.”
I glanced at him on my way out of the room to see that a grin had formed across his face. “Can’t manage a few minutes without me?”
“You know I can’t.” His smile grew as he played along.
I didn’t realize I was beaming until I reached the hall my locker stood in and noticed the crowd of other students. My expression reverted to normal as I hurried past them. I fumbled around inside my locker for a minute to gather my homework. Once organized inside my bag, I slung it over my shoulder so I didn’t have to make another trip after Logan’s music lesson.
I clicked my locker shut. When I looked up, I noticed I was alone. It usually didn’t take more than two minutes for everyone to escape the building, so I wasn’t surprised. What shocked me was when a hand gripped my wrist on my way back to the choir room. My heart leapt at the touch. I spun to face my assailant. My pulse slowed when I realized it was only Aaron, but a split second later, the pitter patter of my heart returned at full force. His eyes already told me what he wanted to say, and I didn’t care to hear any of it.
“Don’t,” I insisted before he had a chance to speak. I turned my back to him and headed in the direction I was going before he interrupted me.
“Don’t what?” he feigned, falling into step beside me.
“Don’t say what you want to say.”
I stared straight ahead. I didn’t have to look at him to know an amused smile had formed across his face. It was evident in his tone.
“And what is it that I want to say?”
My lips pressed into a thin line. “Don’t play dumb with me, Aaron.”
He sighed beside me and then quickened his pace until he blocked my path. “Fine. I admit it. I was going to say something again, but if you’d actually listen to me, then maybe you’d see that I’m right, that you made the wrong choice.”
I stubbornly crossed my arms over my chest and stared him dead in the eye. “It’s insulting, Aaron. I shouldn’t have to listen to you insult my choices and my boyfriend.”
His lips twitched like he was trying to hold back a smile. “I’m not insulting Logan. He’s a great guy. He’s just not the guy for you.”
“You’re wrong.” I attempted to push past him with the force of my elbow, but he side-stepped in front of me. The surface of my skin heated in anger. Where did he get the idea that he had the right to do this to me, to insult me and block my path? And what would it take for him to let me go on my way?
I planted my feet and crossed my arms over my chest for a second time. Fine. If letting him talk would get rid of him, then that was the only choice I had, but it wasn’t going to end well for him. There was nothing he could say to change my mind.
“Fine, Aaron. Talk.”
He blinked a few times as if shocked that I’d given him the chance to explain himself. After a long moment where he didn’t speak, I figured he was just going to stand there like a mute fool for the next few minutes. I didn’t have the time for that, but as soon as my body twitched to move past him, he spoke to stop me.
“It’s just … I can’t stop thinking about you.” He raked his fingers through his hair like he didn’t know what else to do with his hands. “Every time I see you with him, it’s like …” His voice trailed off.
“Like?” I prompted. The urge to tap my foot impatiently overcame me, but I resisted.
Aaron scanned the empty hall, avoiding my gaze. “It’s just wrong.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Wrong for who?” For him, not for me, but there’s nothing I can do to fix that. If he really loved me, he would let me be happy with Logan.
He finally looked at me. “For everyone, Maddie.”
Clearly, he wasn’t going to back down.
“Aaron,” I stated sternly. “You asked me to make a choice. You said whoever I didn’t choose would move on. I made a choice. Now you have to move on.”
His shoulders dropped. “I know I said that, but I changed my mind. Just like you can change yours.”
My voice rose slightly. “And what makes you think you’d be any better for me than Logan is? Because you love me? Well, guess what. Logan loves me, too.”
I said the words, but in the same moment, I realized that Logan never actually told me he loved me. But he had to, right?
Aaron’s jaw tensed. “I can’t put it into words, Maddie. I just know you belong right here,” he pointed to his heart, “with me.”
A sinking sensation entered my chest. I hated knowing I was the one who broke his heart, but it wasn’t fair that he was trying to break mine, either. The air between us grew heavy in the silence that followed.
Aaron’s whisper broke through the quietness. “I know there’s a piece of you that still loves me, too.”
And then that space between us, the one that held the heavy air, vanished. Aaron’s body pressed against mine, and his arms wrapped around me in an embrace I couldn’t wiggle free from. His lips met mine in a soft, gentle encounter.
And that’s when a fire ignited in my body. Though his lips were on mine for only a split second, the encounter transported my mind elsewhere, outside of the school hall I knew I was still standing in. In my vision, I lay on the ground, and a soft blue hue filled the space. Somehow, I knew I was lying under a sheet fort Aaron and I had built like when we were kids. His body hovered above me, his lips connecting with mine. My heart slammed against my rib cage, and his sweet kiss sent shivers of exhilaration up and down my spine.
Pulling my attention back to the school hallway, I didn’t allow myself the time to consider what it all meant. The images I was seeing couldn’t be anything but shock, could they? I wiggled my arms to his chest and pushed against him as hard as I could. The fire I’d felt just moments before fizzled to nothing.
Aaron stumbled back and braced himself against someone else’s locker. Despite the shove I’d given him, he beamed so much that his dimple appeared.
“That’s what it’s like to love me, Maddie.”
I blinked several times, still trying to process what had just occurred. “I—I have to go. Logan’s waiting for me.”
I raced off toward the choir room. When I entered it, I finally slowed my pace. A sigh of relief escaped my lungs when I realized Aaron hadn’t chased after me. After a moment to let my heart rate slow, I finally took the time to reflect back on Aaron’s kiss. It was so warm, inviting, and passionate. It was like …
What am I thinking!?
I forced my breath to slow further.
Logan! Logan is the guy I want to be with. Aaron completely stepped out of line. That didn’t just happen, did it? Can I at least pretend it didn’t happen?
I took one final calming breath to mask my shock before entering the practice room to join Logan. I only prayed he couldn’t read me and see what I was hiding from him.
CHAPTER 14
AARON
After Alaina told me she didn’t want to go dress shopping with me anymore, I sulked around the house wondering what I was going to do about everything. First of all, I had to get Alaina to forgive me, but she wouldn’t return any of my texts over the weekend. Then there was the issue of finding a dress to wear to the homecoming dance. Whether Alaina was upset at me or not, I wasn’t going to miss my special night with Aaron.
I didn’t bother texting Emily and Holly to go shopping with me because I knew I didn’t deserve anyone’s sympathy for how I’d made Alaina feel. Besides, I didn’t have a ton of money for a dress anyway. It was only when I was contemplating what to do that I realized I had a stash of dresses at my fingertips all along. I raided my sisters’ closets and found three contenders.
The first and second dresses were no good, so I was surprised when I slipped on the final dress and it fit me like a glove. The pink and purple fabric shimmered under the light. I stared at myself in the mirror to admire the dress, but disappointment soon caught up with me. I sighed and stripped it off before hanging it in my closet. Would Alaina forgive me by the time the dance rolled around? Would I have any fun without her?
By Thursday, I still didn’t have an answer. I’d sat at Aaron’s table at lunch all week, and Alaina had remained mostly quiet during art class. It was like we were both waiting for the other to say something first. When I spotted Alaina near her locker that morning, I decided I should be the one to finally speak up.
“Alaina?”
She turned her back on her open locker to face me. It was crazy hair day at school today, so one side of her hair was secured into a piggy tail, and the other was twisted into a braid. Mine was fashioned in the same way, and for a moment, I focused on how much we thought alike, like we were still best friends. Weren’t we?
“Yeah?” Her tone came out completely neutral, so I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
I hadn’t planned what to say to her, but after a split second of silence, I knew I had to spit out something. I settled on the first friendly thought that came to mind. “Do you want to sit together at lunch today?”
A twitch of a smile hit her lips, and her voice came out soft, almost inviting. “I’d like that.”
I walked away feeling victorious.
“I told Alaina I’d sit by her at lunch today,” I mentioned to Aaron when I met up with him at his locker.
He shrugged. “Sounds good.”
“Really?” I asked hopefully.
He draped his arm around me as he walked me over to my locker. “Well, I know that whole thing that happened last weekend has been bothering you. You’ve been complaining about it all week.”
“I have?” I furrowed my brow, but looking back on it, I realized I had talked to Aaron a lot about it recently. I quickly let the subject drop. “So, your hair …”
Aaron didn’t have a ton of hair to work with for crazy hair day, but what he did have he’d fashioned into small spikes secured with tiny colorful hairbands.
He touched the top of his spikes. “Yeah, it was my mom’s idea. I know it’s hard to believe, but these are actually her elastics.” I glanced back at him to see a huge grin spread across his face.
I laughed. “Strange. I really would have thought they were yours.”
He responded with a lighthearted shove.
***
I couldn’t explain my excitement as lunch approached. It was like Alaina’s acceptance of me sitting by her at lunch meant she’d forgiven me. I hadn’t heard much from Logan this past week, but maybe he’d forgiven me, too. I hurried out of my last class before lunch and shoved my notebook in my locker. Before I took another step, I realized one of my shoes was untied. I bent to tie it. By the time I stood, everyone had already fled the halls to the lunchroom. I didn’t bother hurrying since I knew I’d be at the end of the line anyway. It was only when I passed the choir room that something caught my eye.
Logan’s blond hair moved from behind a window to one of the practice rooms. Though it was crazy hair day and he had more hair to work with than Aaron did, he’d left it natural. I paused briefly and wondered what he was up to. If he was hanging out in a practice room, did that mean he wouldn’t be at our table at lunch today?
Before I could continue on toward the cafeteria, Logan’s gaze lifted, and he noticed me. I hurried on my way, pretending I didn’t see him, but it was no use. Our eyes had locked, and he knew I saw him.
“Maddie.” He caught up with me far too quickly.
I put on a smile before turning back to him, hoping he’d appreciate the friendly gesture. “What’s up, Logan? Are you headed to lunch?”
“I was going to in a minute, but I’m finishing up working on a song I was practicing during my study hall last period.” He looked toward the ground for a moment and then back up at me. A light shade of red settled over his cheeks. “Do you want to hear it?”
For a moment, I couldn’t believe he was asking me that, but I quickly relaxed when I realized his invitation was also a sign that he wanted to be friends again. He was no longer ignoring me, so that was a plus. Since I’d be at the end of the lunch line anyway, I figured I had a few moments to spare.
“Sure,” I answered.
Logan led me into one of the practice rooms and clicked the door shut behind us. He lifted a guitar onto his lap while a proud smile crossed his face. “What do you think of her?”
“That’s your guitar?” I asked, slightly surprised.
He plucked at the strings. “Yep. Just picked her up last week.”
A sense of comfort washed over me in response to Logan’s inviting tone. “That’s pretty cool. So, what song were you practicing?”
His lips twitched like he was trying to hold back a smile. “An original.”
My mouth dropped open slightly before forming into a smile. “That’s awesome. I had no idea you were so talented.”
He shrugged like it was no big deal. “Yeah, well, I’ve written a couple of songs.”
“Cool. Let’s hear it!” Sitting there with him made it feel almost like nothing had ever happened between us, like we’d never had a falling out. We eased back into being friends so easily.
Logan resituated himself in his seat. “Okay. This song is really important to me, and I wanted you to be the first to hear it.”
“Me?”
He nodded. “The lyrics really mean a lot to me, and it’s easier for me to express myself through song.”
“Okay.” Though I didn’t know what his song was about, he had me intrigued.
Logan took a long, deep breath as if working up the courage to begin strumming. He paused for a moment, only long enough for me to catch his hesitation, before he closed his eyes, relaxed his shoulders, and strummed his first chord. He filled the entire room with a slow, beautiful tune. His posture changed until he sat slightly straighter in his seat. It was like now that he was playing, he didn’t see any chance of backing out, and that gave him the confidence he needed to continue. He n
ever opened his eyes, even when he began singing the lyrics.
I had my chance with you.
or so I thought.
But all you did
was cut me off.
We could have been
something great.
Just when I thought I had you there,
you turned away.
And now all that’s left are
pieces of dreams.
They haunt me while I sleep,
but they keep me company.
And I still wonder:
Was I strong enough?
I still don’t know.
I thought I’d let you go.
But you come back to me
in pieces of dreams.
As his tenor voice filled the practice room, my heart began to warm. The sound was so peaceful, so magical, and somehow, that tune found its way into my soul. It was like the song was composed just for me, like it was mine.
It was only when Logan’s voice faded at the end of the chorus that I had a chance to reflect on what the words meant. I snapped back to reality. Just as Logan pulled in a deep breath to begin the second verse, I shot up in my chair.
“This song is about me?” I interrupted in a harsher tone than I intended.
Logan immediately stopped and placed his hand over the strings of the guitar to mute the music. The magic in the room that was there just moments ago vanished in a heartbeat. Logan’s sad blue eyes stared up at me as if to ask what he’d done wrong.
I wanted to scold him, to tell him how a minute ago it felt like we were getting back to being friends, and he’d ruined the moment by telling me how much he still thought about me. I was wrong to assume we’d made any progress.
But I didn’t say any of that. I couldn’t manage to force the words out of my throat. It was like a small piece of my heart had broken off and lodged itself in my airways. Water rose to my eyes, and the only thing I could think to do was reach for the door handle. My only choices were to stay and watch Logan’s heart shatter again—thanks to me—or flee and pretend he’d never admitted his feelings to me.