The Coven's Secret Read online

  “I have good reason,” I said.

  “I know that,” Grant told me. “But Nadine doesn’t. You should talk to her.”

  I groaned. “You know what happens when I talk to her.”

  “You turn into a love-sick puppy?” Grant teased.

  “Shut up.” I grabbed my pillow and threw it across the room at him.

  Grant checked the clock on his nightstand. “It’s almost noon. You should go ask her out to lunch.”

  “You should go ask Talia out to lunch,” I shot back like a child.

  Grant crossed his arms. “Tell you what. I’ll one-up you. I’ll serenade Talia if you have just one lunch with Nadine.”

  I scoffed. “That, I’d like to see.”

  Grant shrugged. “The sooner you go ask Nadine to lunch, the sooner I can get to serenading.”

  I groaned, but I snatched my hoodie up off the bed anyway. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

  I could hear the sound of Grant laughing in delight as I left the room. I shoved my arms through the sleeves of my hoodie and sauntered down the hall with the hood up. This was going to go absolutely fantastic.

  Not.

  I raised my hand to knock on Nadine’s door, but I hesitated. After waiting two weeks since the kiss to talk to her, she probably never wanted to see my face again. Goddess, what was I thinking? Girls were so emotional. She probably took it super personally, which I guess I couldn’t blame her for.

  Before I could talk myself into knocking on her door, it swung open. The sound of piano music spilled out into the hall, and Nadine’s bright eyes stared back at me.

  When I saw her, it was like a dark storm cloud lifted from above my head. My hood fell to my shoulders. She was so pretty, with her hair down in waves and tight skinny jeans hugging her curves. How had I managed to steer clear of her for two weeks? This girl drew me in like a magnet.

  She stumbled back a step, surprised to see me standing there. “Lucas?”

  “Nadine, I, um…”

  Fuck, why couldn’t I talk? I spit it out before I could make a total fool out of myself. “I came to see if you wanted to come to lunch with me.”

  Nadine’s features hardened. She didn’t say anything for several long seconds. I half expected her to yell at me considering the death glare she shot my way. It was preferable to the silence. I had no idea what she was thinking.

  “So you’re not avoiding me?” she finally asked sharply.

  Ouch.

  “Well, I’m here,” I replied.

  Nadine hesitated, but her tone softened. “I was just headed down there anyway. Hang on.”

  She left the door open and hurried back inside the room. Talia sat at her piano bench playing the keyboard, and she hummed under her breath. Nadine returned moments later.

  “Is Talia coming to lunch?” I asked, holding my breath. I liked Talia, but I kind of wanted to be alone with Nadine.

  “No,” she said as she shut the door behind her. “She’s stuck in the zone.”

  We started down the hall side by side. I noticed she was clutching her fist tightly, like she was holding something. “What’s that you’ve got there?”

  She bit her lip and looked up at me. “It’s for you.”

  Nadine held her fist out, and I placed my hand beneath it.

  “For me?” I asked in surprise.

  Nadine opened her hand and a small, cool object fell into my palm. It was a blue stone.

  “Um… thanks,” I said lamely.

  Nadine raised an eyebrow, like my indifference amused her. She stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to me. “It’s celestite, Lucas.”

  I blinked at her a few times. I knew that was supposed to mean something, but I hadn’t taken Crystal Studies yet.

  “It’s a calming stone,” Nadine explained without me having to ask. “You know how you can’t sit still and you’re always fidgeting?”

  “I am?” I asked. I’d never noticed, but I guess she was right.

  She nodded. “I bought it for you at the hospital gift shop, but I haven’t had a chance to give it to you. I thought it might help you feel better.”

  My heart instantly melted at the sentiment. I didn’t care what the stone was meant for. The fact that it came from Nadine made all the difference.

  “Thank you,” I said genuinely as I curled my hand tightly around the celestite. “That’s very thoughtful.”

  That’s very thoughtful? Who was I? The pope?

  I wanted to say something more, but Nadine turned away and started down the stairs. She gripped tight to the railing—like she was afraid she might fall.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Fine,” she told me. “Why?”

  We reached the bottom of the stairs, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s just… Grant told me you weren’t feeling well.”

  Nadine scoffed and continued toward the cafeteria. “I never feel well. I have my good days and my bad.”

  “What’s today?” I questioned. “A good day or a bad day?”

  A weight like a rock settled in my stomach. I dreaded the answer.

  Nadine frowned. “How about we don’t ask questions we don’t want to know the answers to?”

  Now that pissed me off. I grabbed Nadine’s hand and stopped her just outside the cafeteria. She scowled at me and jerked away. I gaped down at her for a second, shocked that she was so offended by my touch. I guess after avoiding her so long, I deserved that.

  “I do want to know the answer,” I assured her. “I always want to know how you’re feeling, Nad.”

  She crossed her arms, and her eyes darkened. “Really? Is that why you haven’t spoken to me in two weeks? You want to know how I feel, Lucas? I feel confused. I feel abandoned.”

  Holy shit.

  “Nad, I—”

  “I feel like I did something wrong, and I don’t know what it was.” Angry tears rose to her eyes, and it was like a knife through my heart. “I feel like we had something going, but when we kissed, it was like… like you just decided I wasn’t worth your time anymore.”

  Fuck, I’d really screwed up. That stone in my stomach grew heavier and heavier by the second.

  “That’s not it at all,” I insisted.

  A few people slipped by us on their way out of the cafeteria, and I realized we were blocking the doors. I took Nadine by the shoulder and led her down the hall where we could talk in private. She didn’t shy away from me this time.

  “Look, Nad.” I pressed my fingers to my eyes. “The reason I’ve been staying away is because I’m concerned about you.”

  She scoffed. “For real, Lucas? Because you say stuff like that, but it doesn’t feel like it.”

  “It’s true,” I promised. “You already know we can’t be together because of the Reaper’s Shadow.”

  “Screw the curse!” Nadine shouted, earning us a few stares from people in the hall. She quickly lowered her tone. “The curse has nothing to do with you not talking to me.”

  My face began to heat, and my lips pressed tightly together. She didn’t get it.

  “Yes, it does,” I snapped.

  I hated myself for the harsh tone I was taking. I never wanted Nadine to be on the receiving end of one of my freak-outs. But if this was what made her understand—and kept her away from me—then maybe I had to hurt her a little. Maybe I had to be the asshole to save her.

  “The curse has everything to do with this,” I said. “Because every time I’m near you, I just… I just…”

  “You just, what?” Nadine snapped.

  Before I knew what was happening, I grabbed her face and pressed my body up against hers, pushing her back against the wall. My lips swooped down, but I stopped a millimeter away from her mouth. I was dying to claim it as my own, to kiss her one more time, but I became a statue stalled in fear.

  Nadine’s chest rose and fell rapidly. Her eyes were practically begging for it. My dick wasn’t cooperating either, as it hardened in my jeans. What I wouldn’t give to get ri
d of the clothes between us.

  I swallowed, and my voice lowered to a soft whisper. “Every time I’m near you, Nadine, I just want to kiss you.”

  Nadine inhaled a sharp breath. She wrapped her hands around my back, pulling me closer until her breasts were pressed against my chest. Images of the night at the lake flashed through my mind. I wanted to be back there—to feel her skin on mine again.

  Nadine’s breath wavered. “So kiss me, Lucas.”

  By the Goddess, I almost did. Then all these warning bells went off in my mind, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t keep hurting her.

  I stepped back and dropped my hands from Nadine’s face. “I’m sorry, Nadine, but I can’t. Look what happened last time I kissed you.”

  Nadine laughed—but it wasn’t the kind of laugh where she was having fun. It was like she couldn’t believe what I was suggesting. “You mean I got sick?”

  “Exactly,” I said. “The curse causes illness the closer we get physically.”

  Nadine blew out an exasperated breath and spoke firmly. “Let me make something very clear. I have lupus. I am sick all the time. Nothing you do—now or ever—will change that. This is not your fault.”

  “But what if—?”

  “Exactly, Lucas,” she cut me off. “You’re basing this all on what if. Well, I have a question for you. What if Lucas Taylor just wanted to be my friend? What if we just hung out and—gasp!—he didn’t expect sex from me?”

  I gaped at her. Is that what she thought? That I believed hanging out with her meant she owed me sex? I didn’t expect a damn thing from her.

  “I’d love it if we could just be friends, Nadine,” I said harshly. “But how can we do that when you keep leading me on? You’re the one who tried to kiss me at the lake. You just asked me to kiss you now. Do you get some sort of thrill out of this?”

  “Thrill?” she bit.

  Aw, fuck. I was making this worse. Right now, it was hard to keep my mouth shut after what she just accused me of.

  “It’s like you’re addicted to danger or something,” I accused. “Like you’re trying to see just how far you can push it. Just like you did when you followed the Tarantulas!”

  Her eyes went wide, like she couldn’t believe I’d throw that in her face. “I went after them because of what they did to you. Because I care.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Don’t say stuff like that, Nad.”

  She scoffed. “Why not? It’s true.”

  I raked my fingers through my hair. For the first time since I met her, I was seriously frustrated with Nadine. “It’s not true,” I insisted. “People don’t care about me.”

  She gaped at me, like I’d just insulted her. “Are you serious right now? Grant cares! Professor Warren cares! I’m standing right here telling you I care, and you still can’t believe it?”

  “No, I can’t,” I growled. “I can’t believe you would put yourself at risk just to be with me.”

  She pursed her lips. “Maybe I would.”

  “Why?” I cried. “You know the risks of getting involved with me. And you still want to take things further.”

  “Maybe you’re worth it,” she argued, fuming.

  “But I’m not! The further we go, the sicker you get. You must love the pain!”

  The hall went dead silent. For a second, it was as if time stood still. Then I realized what I said, and my stomach dropped.

  Nadine’s lips pressed into a thin line. “You think I like being in pain? You think I like being disabled?”

  I sighed. “Come on, Nad. I didn’t mean—”

  “Screw you, Lucas,” Nadine spat. “You don’t know me at all.”

  Nadine slammed her shoulder into mine as she stomped off into the cafeteria to eat lunch alone. My heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces, and that heavy stone in my stomach had all but consumed me.

  I guess I didn’t have to worry about avoiding Nadine anymore. I’d done exactly like Grant suggested and been a complete ass. Nadine would be the one to avoid me from now on.

  I tossed and turned all night. How could I have acted like such an idiot?

  Jerk. Total and complete asshole.

  That’s what I was, and I hated myself for it. I wanted to do better. I wanted to be a better person. But I didn’t know how.

  My eyes shot open in the darkness to the most excruciating nausea I’d felt since I’d heard the kid. I curled into a ball on my bed, waiting for the thought to come and the nausea to pass.

  “I bet no one will notice. They never cared anyhow.”

  Aw, fuck. Not another suicide.

  I tossed the covers off myself and made a beeline for the bathroom, but I didn’t make it that far. I doubled over at the trash can and heaved. The stench of puke filled the room, and Grant stirred in his bed as I made gagging sounds.

  I’d never handled suicides well, but this one was particularly taxing. It echoed the exact thoughts I'd had when I considered offing myself.

  No! I screamed at myself internally. I didn't let myself think about that. I'd decided long ago I wouldn't go back down that road.

  I had to take my mind off it somehow, so I crawled back into bed and put my headphones in to listen to music. But tonight, even the heavy beats that usually drowned out my thoughts didn't work.

  I hated myself, and it wasn't just because of my gift. Even if I got rid of it, it wouldn't fix the way I felt about myself. Nothing could.

  In that moment, I truly meant it. I had no hope. I didn't want hope. Without it, I could never be disappointed.

  I wished I could've said I slept that night, but I didn't. I just lay there, shivering in a ball as the darkness of my own mind closed in around me. I hated feeling this way, but I deserved it.

  I didn't know how much time passed, but eventually, I heard the sound of the door slamming and Grant squealing as he came into the room. I hadn't even noticed he left.

  I groaned as I pulled the blanket down from my head. The daylight coming through the window was blinding. "What the...?"

  Grant ran across the room and jumped on his bed a few times. He didn’t even notice me. He ran back to the door and double checked the peephole for Goddess knows what.

  "Grant, jeez," I sighed, still trying to find my bearings as I stirred awake. "What's going on? You're acting like a girl."

  Grant's eyes went wide. "What are you still doing in bed?"

  I pressed my hand to my pulsing forehead. "Don't feel well. What happened?"

  Grant bit his lower lip. "I was going to serenade Talia. I had everything set up in the Lounge and was going to play the grand piano and everything—"

  "You can't play piano," I reminded him flatly.

  "But I chickened out!" Grant groaned, like he hadn't even heard me.

  I rolled my eyes and threw the covers back over my head. "So try again and don't chicken out this time."

  "You don't get it," Grant said. "Ugh, I'm a total fool."

  I shrugged. At least he and Talia were still on good terms. He wasn't a total loser like me. He didn't know how good he had it.

  Grant sighed and stomped out of the room. Thank the Goddess for some peace and quiet.

  Except I quickly realized the peace and quiet was just as excruciating, if not more. My thoughts were racing far too quickly, burying myself into a deeper, darker hole than I was already in. I knew the only way to drag myself out of it was to get out of bed. I told myself that all I had to do today was take a shower, but I couldn't even manage to do that much.

  It wasn't until late afternoon when I finally decided I couldn't hold my piss any longer and dragged myself out of bed.

  After showering, I eyed the bed. It called to me, but I knew if I crawled back under the sheets, I might not get out for a week. I decided to leave my room and grab some takeout from the cafeteria. I wasn't really hungry, but I could practically hear my mother's voice in my head.

  "Do they feed you at that college, Lucas? You're getting too skinny."

&n
bsp; Speaking of my mother, today was as good a day as any to visit her. I hadn't seen her all semester, and I knew Dad would be down at the bar drinking away his troubles before he had to go back to work for the week.

  I left the school and let my feet carry me home. I wasn't really watching where I was going or paying attention to how long it took me. Even the chill of the October air didn't register.

  Eventually, the small black house came into view. My family's little three-bedroom was nothing compared to the elaborate gothic houses along the main stretch of road through town. Ours shared the same architecture, but was practically a dollhouse compared to the other houses in town.

  I breathed a sigh of relief when I didn't see Dad's car in the driveway. Mom didn't have her own car, but I bet she was home anyway. Dad never let her go anywhere on her own.

  I didn't knock. Even after all this time, it didn't seem right. I opened the front door and—

  My mother gasped. "Lucas, don't come in!"

  But it was too late. I'd already witnessed the damage. Across the living room and through the kitchen doorway, I saw my mother on her knees. Huge chunks of glass lay at her feet, surrounded by a giant splatter of Shepherd's pie and little drops of blood.

  My stomach bottomed out. I rushed over to her, kneeling at her side to help clean up. By the looks of things, I'd just missed my father.

  "Mom," I sighed, looking down to the broken dish and her wrapped-up hand. "A casserole dish? What was his problem this time? The casserole was too salty? Not salted enough?"

  "No," she said, wiping her gauzed hand across her nose. "It was my fault. I dropped it and cut my hand cleaning up."

  She could tell me that all she wanted, but I'd never believe it. What terrified me was that she actually believed it herself.

  "You don't have to lie to me, Mom," I said as I placed broken bits of glass in the garbage beside us. "I remember how he is."

  My mother pressed her lips together, but she continued to clean up as an excuse not to meet my gaze. "You don't remember him as well as you think, Lucas. We had good times, too, but you choose to focus only on the bad. Why do you demonize him so much?"